he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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