ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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