I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Randomize
