I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
