i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
