Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
