I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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