just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
