my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
