Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I love having hate sex.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
