party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
