I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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