wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
