sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
