the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
