just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
