WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
