My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
