you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize