its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
