Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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