so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
