why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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