Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
