Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
