just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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