help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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