Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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