Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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