I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
