I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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