I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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