I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize