I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
