I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
