we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
