dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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