if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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