we have officially lost it.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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