She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
