he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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