Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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