At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
