I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
