12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
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Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
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She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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