I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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