Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize