She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
