Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
