I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
