It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
