You can't motorboat a personality
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
