Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Less talking, more tequila
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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