ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
