some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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