He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize