20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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