My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
