The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize