Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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