I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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