he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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