You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
