In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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