Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
