I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
