it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
