how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
