theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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