apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize