nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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