someone get that fucking seahorse.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
