My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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