i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize