apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
