im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
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