I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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