I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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