HIV tests are more positive than that guy
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
