He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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