My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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