no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
