chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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